The Cale Juice: A mystery man calls Michael Flynn

The Cale Juice: A mystery man calls Michael Flynn

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Satire by Cale Harper

Special Counsel Robert Mueller received a break in the Russia investigation last Friday when former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn took a plea deal. Flynn was a high-profile suspect in collusion, and admitted that he lied to the FBI about meeting with a Russian ambassador.

Around  2:00 a.m. last Saturday morning, Flynn received a mysterious phone call. The call came only hours after he took a plea deal with Robert Mueller to reveal information regarding Russian collusion with the Trump campaign. Flynn reports that the man sounded panicked and asked that he reconsider his deal.

“At first, there was just heavy breathing on the line,” Flynn reports. “Then he said, ‘This could really be not good for me – I mean, the president.’ I didn’t know what to think.”

With advanced ‘caller ID’ technology, Flynn traced the call to a sticky payphone near a Jimmy John’s just down the street from the White House.

“The voice sounded familiar. I think I remember hearing it in a steak commercial once,” Flynn claimed, “But I just can’t put my finger on it. Whoever the mysterious man was, he was very concerned about a video tape.”

With Flynn’s statement, investigators now believe the caller was referring to a mythical tape of then-candidate Trump engaging in acts of urination with prostitutes in Moscow. The embarrassing tape has remained a major point of discussion throughout Trump’s campaign and presidency.

“Whatever you do, Michael,” the voice said, “Don’t give them the pee-pee stuff. I mean, can you imagine? What a total disaster.”

Satire does not reflect the views and opinions of The Mirror.

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